My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
