Cold hands, warm shart.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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