Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
