I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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