My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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