That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Dear god my vagina.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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