So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize