The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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