Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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