My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
