I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
