it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
