the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
