please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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