u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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