Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
