so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
