when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize