Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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