I hate your face
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
