so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
