Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
