Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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