what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize