i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
