Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
