i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
