Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
