I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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