Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
