either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
