Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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