I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
