i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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