I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
