Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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