Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
