My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize