the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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