dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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