You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Randomize
