You made me cry and you don't even care
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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