I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think my moral compass just broke
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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