I'd wear matching sweaters with you
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
