yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Text me some of your sweat
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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