I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
