I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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