sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
