Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
