WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize