I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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