as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
