Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
