I accidentally had phone sex last night
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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