he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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