Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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