I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
