I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
