I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
