playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
this boner is exhausting
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
