Swine flu. Run for my life!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize