I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
