he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
