I'm really into asian looking animals
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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