My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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