My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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