you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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