tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
