last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
