So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
