So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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