just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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