You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
