What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
