i think my tv is drunk
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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