he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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