so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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